I feel so unsuccessful..
Day by day, I constantly put off homework til later by telling myself to dance and dance…
Day by day, I consistently tell myself to not procrastinate, and to stay focused and committed.
Every single damn day, I tell myself to bring my grades up, study for upcoming AP tests and the SAT, complete my Eagle Project, and prepare for club and other activities..

The list goes on.

But no… Nothing is working out.

You know what..the mere words I say are meaningless and unimportant..
I need to “walk the walk” rather than “talk the talk.”

Why…
Why why why why why why,
Why does everything have to be so complicated and frustrating..

Oh what I would do for a hot cup of Jasmine Green Tea right now..
Perhaps I’ll remember to make one tomorrow.

I’m so looking forward for April and May to be over with.

Key Club Motto: “Caring - Our Way of Life”
Scout Motto: “Be prepared”


Always inspired by these two influential organizations, and I’m glad to say that they both positively changed my life. Thank you.

If only I had the time; I’d honestly love to just lie down in the park and gaze solely at the clear, blue skies, isolating all thought and ignoring any surrounding disturbances near me.

That would feel amazing.

Take a deep, slow breath.
I need to concentrate on my goals and stay committed and focused. Although it’s quite difficult for an individual such as myself, I’m positive that it will eventually be well worth it. My apathy toward studying, my lack of motivation, my disinterest in homework — all these obstacles and hardships need to wither away from my mind.. or else come the consequences.
With the final day of school gradually approaching, I want be proud of myself.

I can do this.

whitekittymilk:

Someone take me where there is no human interaction. Some place like the woods. That way I can curl up into a ball until next winter.

I don’t think I can handle doing this anymore and I don’t think that I ever will be. It’s frustrating enough trying to handle things internally, but when you physically cannot take the pain, it’s a whole new level.

There is no end unless I make it so. And I wish I had the courage to do it, but truthfully, I’m so close to escaping that I can only wish for more freedom. More freedom from my emotions. I wish they didn’t chain me to one person or that they didn’t soften when a certain person touches my face, but I get a rush of immense pleasure from the electric spark from your skin that won’t ever go away. Some call it love, others call it infatuation, but I? I simply call it special because that’s what it was and that’s what it always will be to me.

I hope it was for you too.

It’s 11:02, and I haven’t even started any homework yet.

What is wrong with me.